Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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