i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat