So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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