Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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