Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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