Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
