i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sober January is a disaster.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
