I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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