Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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