Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
