This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
