apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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