im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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