At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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