It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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