I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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