Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
