So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
