I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
