I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
