There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
