turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
