Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
