New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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