Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
