My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
