I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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