I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
