i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
