Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
