i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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