There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
