you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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