My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it penis luge time yet?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
