I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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