If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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