I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize