i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
