Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
