The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too high and old for this...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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