Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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