I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
