i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
