We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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