and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i drank out of a bidet.
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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