I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
