My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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