Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
