And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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