i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
