So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
