i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
