Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
