Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They took my balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
