what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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