My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
