I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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