just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
