I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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