No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
