Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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