He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
