Don't make out with my wife yet
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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