Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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