fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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