I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
