I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
