I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
