Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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